ohhhhhh dear, the paparazzi caught this photo once when I got pulled over. I still to this day don't know what happened to the skirt? As anyone who knows the Mistress know she enjoys a few nice beverages from time to time. On weekends it nice to go to my favorite place for a refreshing nip or two in New Hope to a hospitality house, or into center city Philly to one of the swank lounges she adores so much to carouse, I mean socialize, with the fine good looking boys. I usually have a home away from home to stay, but sometimes you want your own boudoir. But otherwise the Mistress has driver take her home. And the Mistress isn't the best driver anyhow, ask my sister Mame. But the Mistress usually has a way with batting the eyelashes and using other talents to getting out of tickets, even after some of my backfired lines with the police. In my experience these are some things not to say with them when pulled over.
1- I can't reach my license unless you hold my gin cock-a-tail.
2- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3- Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4 Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5- I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer
6- Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
7- I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely DRONK!
8- Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
9- A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
10- Whoops, that's the one with the fake age... here ya go, this is the one.
11- Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence
12-Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
13-If you'd just drink the gin I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
14-Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut
15-There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
16-What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alcohol.
17-That uniform makes your ass look really good.
18-I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
19- "Do you know how fast you were going"? "No I'm too drunk to remember"
Believe me take my advice. Tootles.
Mistress you are so damn funny! LOL! I'm laughing so hard! Di you use these lines? I think your kidding.
ReplyDeleteMistress, I don't doubt your many talents!!! Toy my dear are so funny!
ReplyDeleteOh my God girl you are crazy! It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you said these things.
ReplyDeleteAnd exactly what is it you did do to get out of a ticket???
ReplyDeleteI'm here to tell ya:
ReplyDeleteThe biatch CANNOT drive to save her life!
Just trust me on this one...
XOXSOXOXOXOXOXO
Many years ago, while living in California, a friend and I were traveling down I-5 to LA for a long weekend.
ReplyDeleteOf course I was speeding.
Everyone.
Was.
Speeding.
So, when I was pulled over for doing, ahem, nine-zero in a 70-mph zone, the officer asked, as they do:
What's the hurry?
I said, "I have to be in LA in 15 minutes." Mind you, we were still 200 miles away.
Looks like you're gonna be late.
I reply, "Depends how long this takes."
Luckily I got a highway patrol with a sense of humor. I mean, I still got the ticket, but, I also got a laugh.
lol, good stuff
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up!!!!!
ReplyDeletesigh, this doesn't surprise me....
ReplyDeleteI really like 16 -19! That does sound famaliar! But like David said, thank God you have a driver!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think you could get away with saying #17.
ReplyDeleteI would have thought you performed your way out of the ticket;)
ReplyDeleteYou are to much! I'm sharing this with a fiend just so you know! I love cruise control one!
ReplyDeleteMistress, your not wrapped to tight. LOL, but this is pretty funny!
ReplyDelete